Been thinking a lot lately, or maybe more like dreaming.

I’ve been finding that I am attracted to people who live, speak, and act in complete authenticity. The friends I cherish the most are the ones who can honestly tell me things, or can reveal a certain amount of vulnerability to me, trusting me. I think in lots of ways, I’ve forcibly created an “autopilot” mode to get me through unpleasant or what I consider boring moments in life. And I wrongly continue in this fashion, thinking it’s kind of impossible to survive in life being all real and all there to live it.

But I’m wronged, and one of my heroes, KT Tunstall, is a living proof. Her attitude towards life is like an eye opener. There’s this quote, I think it’s by Margaret Mead but I’m not sure, that says everyone is capable of greatness, and in this so doing, it secretly allows for others to do the same. I feel like KT Tunstall has secretly allowed me to be honest and real in my life, as she lives hers in that manner.

So something I’ve been dreaming and obsessing about: taking music more seriously. It was always a fun hobby or a way of praising God, but now it’s become something more because of the way I’ve seen it impact others. Music does in one song what a whole essay might take and still not accomplish in that it gets a message across but with feeling. With conviction in each melodic note. With character and emotion and spirit. And in this way, each person, just by stopping to listen for a few minutes, can connect to and relate to.

I was jamming downtown in Charlottesville with Adam, whence an old man happened upon us. He bobbed his head up and down to groove to the music we were playing, threw in a few coins and sat down several yards away from us, laying out his tarot cards for people to fancy an interest. After playing for a while, he hollered over to us such encouragement, that when we finished we walked over to him to chat.

I think the man was good at reading people, but he would throw in words like “Indeed” and quote people like Ralph Waldo Emerson to sound like a gypsy-seer-guru person. Anyway, he said to Adam, “You’re the analytical one, aren’t you?” And then his gaze turned towards me, “And you’re the dreamer.”

I don’t believe in tarot cards or things like that, but this chance encounter made me feel.. almost affirmed in what I was doing. He kept talking about the life of a gypsy and gave some advice on how to make more money. We thanked him and went back, making a total of -$2.00 because of a parking ticket we got while playing. Gosh darn!

Anyway, so strange events are leading me on this pathway. Don’t really know where I’m going or where I’ll end up, but I know that I like where I am now. And I like that there’s no autopilot for me, that I’ve bound it hand and foot and drowned it to the bottom of the sea as I live life as myself. It’s scary, nerve-wracking, but completely worth it. I think I seriously get a high off of facing fears head-on.

Anyhoo, I’ll be playing some music at Potbelly’s in Reston, so if you’re in the area on Wednesday, from 12:00 – 2:00, come in and listen for a bit. Or if you’re not in the area, inconvenience yourself a little for my sake and soak in some of my soul. I probably can’t say hi to you, but I’ll appreciate it! 🙂