Sitting around, should be sleeping but strangely feel like blogging out my thoughts.

 I’m back at UVa, and I’m loving it. It took me about 3 days to finish unpacking, and my room still doesn’t look as homey as I hoped it would (I’ve moved from a den to, well, two times a den-of-a-room). I forgot to bring fingernail clippers and so my fingernails are long somethin’ unorthodox!

I felt the rush as soon as I came back. Figuring out small groups for GCF has been a full time job for this poor college student. Meetings to attend, long (and several) conversations on the phone, worrying about making the right decisions, worrying about looking like I’m doing a good job, mildly worried about the fact that school hasn’t really entered my brain yet and it’s starting on Tuesday. The stress has all cumulated in my mind and heart, and coupled with PMS, I cried. Several times. For different reasons. But anywho, I have so much hope for this year and yet I’m already exhausted almost. I want this big GCF machine to get rolling so I can do what I enjoy doing– meeting up with people, sharing, praying, talking. The important person-to-person stuff, not this far-off, email-writing, small group coordinator stuff. And I’m definintely grinning from all the first year boys coming into college. Not like that, you sicko! Because we are in desperate need of men! Duh!

My heart is a little heavy, seeing the lack of leaders. College ministry is so shifting and volatile. How does Pastor IJ do it? He must be very experienced and have a lot of faith in God, cause I feel like things could crumble at any moment. But in a sense, God is doing all the work, and I am just watching it piece together.

I felt a little piece of relaxation today, talking with Sarah. She’s my best friend, but lately it hasn’t felt like we’ve been best friends just because we haven’t been honest with each other much these days. I finally called her up, and we sorted these years of misunderstanding and attitudes out, and I felt somewhat at home. Even though I’m here, being involved in all the stress that comes along with a title, or being a student. Life exists after college, and I don’t want to lose the ties and friendships that were so dear to me pre-college. Do you know how good it feels to have a friend just because she wants to be your friend? Amazing, actually. And not just any friend, but she actually sees more to me than I see in myself. She’s a great encouragement, and I’m so glad we were able to patch things up. There’s something beautiful with reconcile, I think it’s healing. And then passion. And all the good things follow it, kind of like how God has reconciled with us.

Something I was reading in my Bible today, was about Abraham and how he was pretty humble: he bowed down low to the ground whenever God sent His angels, he was so hospitable to them, and he always knew his place before God. He knew he was dust and ashes. And gosh, Abraham KNEW God. God actually talked to Abraham about His plans and His promise to Abraham of the amazing things that would come through Abraham.

I want to know God in the same way. I want to speak to God and have Him speak to me back. I had been praying, and I suddenly stopped, very aware of God’s presence, and what He might feel or think of me chattering away endless prayers, mostly to give me some peace about an issue I have. At that moment, I became very aware of His bigness, and my puniness. How can I be so careless when approaching God? He’s God. I think I’ve shaped Him out to be like my personal friend or emotional support, but He’s oh so much more than that. And I fear Him; I really do. And I want to know Him.

 Anyway, other than those things, I have loved living with Mary Saprito thus far. Folks, she is the most genuine (and good) soul I’ve ever met. It’s been icecream and video games every night, and lots of talks into late in the evening. I love this woman, she is so precious. And Portia has just moved in. Today, she bravely tasted a little bit of kimchi jiggae (kimchi soup), bless her heart. Both of them are so.. good. Anywho, I love these girls.

And of course I miss Adam. But I’m glad.. it seems like so many people who were gone are back in my life. Adam came back from Reno, Sarah is my friend again, and old GCF folks are banding together once again. Even if I’m not the wisest, best, or good-looking person as I would hope to be, I’m thoroughly enjoying life and all the stresses and mistakes and hurts and everything. Of course the good things too. It FREAKIN’ ROCKS TO BE ALIVE!!!

 Oh, and not to worry. I am praying for you JMU, campus missions people, and my lovelies.