I started writing this towards the end of my summer break, and just put it away. I struggled a lot finishing it, so I hope ya’ll enjoy. 

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Another update! I was recently very encouraged by fellow brother Joash and sister June Kim to write another entry! (Some people out there actually read this blog!! O-M-G.)

Well I had a very nice and long 3 hour convo with June over Ben & Jerry’s (my New York Super Fudge Chunk and her Chunky Monkey.. so cute) about our lives, about GCF and good ol’ times with the praise band, the legacy of Chris Scott (no we were not oggling him I swear), whether we’ve been able to leave behind our own legacies, and just the future and growing up. She shared with me her passion of writing letters, so I told her to be a missionary and we both had a nice and hearty laugh.

But all this future-talk with my ’07 peeps has started me on this track of defining what it means for me, and the rest of us girls, to transition to womanhood. In my head, I thought womanhood was putting away everything fuzzy, pink, and scintillating in order to don a somewhat drab and demure dress that makes for terrible and awkward curves. Or perhaps packing away inappropriate giggles and embracing a stack of bills and other no-nonsense responsibitilities of life. If that’s the case, I don’t want to turn 22! Or 23 or any older age than I am now.

I can’t think that way though. I feel like there’s so much more to look forward to in life, and things can only get better. I might have mentioned this before, but there’s this book I love called Searching for God Knows What that offers this mother-pearl of a quote: Life/reality is like a fine wine– it won’t appeal to children.

This quote has led me to form this thought: that womanhood itself is a response. I think it involves reacting to hardship and happiness in a different manner from how a girl would. When I think of a girl, I think of a person that others readily excuse of responsibilities and difficult situations she gets involved with. I think of a somewhat continual dependence on the guidance of another. Like running to mom and dad whenever something terrible has happened, and knowing that they’ll have the final responsibility for her doing what she did, being the way that she is. One can be very old and still be a girl, as I’ve seen many people depend heavily on a significant other or blame others for the cause of their situations. This can deceivingly seem very freeing.

 But I now have concluded that being a woman is much more freeing. What does it mean to be a woman?

Being a woman is accepting hardships with a mighty coarse grain of salt. It is seeing the situation you’ve gotten yourself in, and being decided about fixing it. It is taking the blame, the responsibility of your actions, and willing to see it the rest of the way through. It means having others depend on YOU, such as your children and your significant other. A woman is her husband’s strength, because by her companionship and her loving touch and her word he starts to grow, fueled by inspiration and a genuine love unconditional.

Why is being a woman more freeing? A girl can only accept the situations that surround her. The general behavior is like as if life just happens to her, and when it does, it’s not fair and she cannot do anything about it because she has been victimized. She has freedom in the sense that she doesn’t have real responsibility, but she doesn’t realize she is trapped in her surroundings because she cannot rise to the occasion. But a woman, I strongly think, receives the same situation and takes the brunt of it– and an especially good woman, I want to say godly but I think this applies to women without who still retain much integrity, well, she cultivates something new out of it. Opportunity, growth, something beautiful is developed. If anything, the woman becomes stronger, and can better protect and, further still, better love those around her, who depend on her. The best woman I ever knew is probably my mother– who was the first of her family to come to America, valiantly expanding her horizons and understanding of life, and to this day who, even after working on her feet all day at the age of 53, still makes dinner and washes the dishes and goes to church to pray for us. 

A woman doesn’t impatiently scream for the change in her situation to happen, but in nurturing and caring does change occur. A man is built to conquer and head, but a woman has the strength that could befall even Napolean– not with massive muscles or with whiny complaints, but in respect, grace, dignity, gentleness, and a patience that carries the wisdom about the way love can change people. That everyone needs a good mother and someone who loves them and believes the best in them. Everyone needs that.

The things of God seems very backwards in the world. God gives the weak much strength so that others can marvel. God makes the fragile and vulnerable very beautiful, inwardly and outwardly. God has allowed someone such as myself to carry an intimacy that no man will understand– that of having another person literally growing in me, frighteningly dependent on every decision I make about my body and my situation.

I am so thankful to be a woman. I know I could probably grow my own balls and be a dictating authority figure, but God has given me a much greater role in this life. To be a real woman– the way He meant for women to be.

And my final, concluding thought to all women out there is this: flaunt pink, eat candy that makes you happy, and cry when you watch romantic comedies while painting your toenails. You’ll still be a woman, girl!

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