Life is so full these days. Not complete, but I finally feel like I’m not just living in my own faraway dream world, but it’s coming present now. As much as I love education and learning, I’m also really thankful to God that I’m developing real-life experiences and skills and meeting so many great and wonderful and caring and inspiring people.

Nursing

Nursing is tough. At the end of the day, I can in complete satisfaction wipe off the vomit/pee from my shoes with antiseptic wipes and wash my dry, hang-nail invaded hands for a final time as I swipe my card to punch out. I chirp goodbye to the night shift as things settle down and I anticipate getting into my beautiful, leather-seated Lancer Evolution 9 series car that I’m taking care of for my brother, listening to Thom Yorke or John Mayer or whoever I enjoy blasting through the stereo. The stars greet me and the silence and calm is so different from the stress and anxiety and constant running around I encounter as a Registered Nurse.

Sometimes I have the best conversations with my patients. I typically have 4-6 patients a day, sometimes getting new admissions or discharges and transfers. In a previous wordpress post, I stated that I’d love to have a fantastic conversation with a Romanian Jew, and although I’m not sure he was a Jew, I sure had a great argument about politics with my Romanian patient. Another patient, a 70-something year old man, sat me down and talked to me for about 15 minutes, telling me goodbye and that I’ve been great and that when he was fighting in war, he never got to say goodbye to one of his dear friends and now he makes sure he says it even though my shift hadn’t ended yet. He made me smile and laugh. Another patient drew me into the room, and praised me for about 20 minutes on the astuteness of my nursing skills and that I went beyond what normal nurses did to take care of her.

It’s moments like those when I feel thankful to be a nurse. I need to hear that kind of stuff, or have those conversations– it fills me, gives me a reason to keep going and trying, that this is all for them. A lot of times I get yelled at by doctors who are busy and important and consider me very stupid for asking questions or not exactly sure of the answer to their questions, which hardens my resolve to study some more and become a better nurse.

Another thing, I’ve met a mother/older-sister-figure at my unit. Since day 1, she’s been looking out for me, always trying to give me advice about nursing, about husbands and raising children and about how lucky I am to still have my parents in this world. I’m really, sincerely touched by her heart. Out of her care, she gave me my very first PainEDU.org Manual book about managing patients’ pain.

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My heart melts with thankfulness!

MUSIC

Busy trying to get everything all finished up! Busy practicing with my studio band, writing more songs, going to Secret Songwriting Club meetings, jamming with different friends, hearing new songs, buying other albums and cd’s, communicating with artists, web designers, and studio engineer/producers, planning, planning, planning, and dreaming a lot. It’s been a whole lot of fun. Busy, overwhelming, but it’s been so great/interesting composing my sound! Hope to get some good gigs after all this is finished. It’s kind of a whirlwind that leaves me extremely exhausted and longing for my bed every night. I love my bed.

And even though it’s been kind of tough seeing friends, I think I’m realizing the full extent of my introverted personality– I see that I don’t get as bored being by myself as I thought I did because I’m constantly honing my sound. I don’t mind working in my room, composing, sending emails, thinking, praying, and doing all that stuff on my own. I read an article about Thom Yorke, and he says that sometimes ideas just come to him when he makes a little space and clears his head for that kind of stuff. I have tried to make it so I can regularly have that kind of creative time to myself as well.

Here’s a few new songs I wrote that I can’t get out of my own head. I really like these songs, and they’ve preoccupied a lot of my heart and mind as I created them. I hope you can relate to them and enjoy them as well.

Across The Universe
Outline Of A Cloud

Across The Universe

Will I touch
A Lover’s star
Will I sail across
The universe

Will I breathe
Your name someday
Will you feel my heart
Through skin barrier

I never knew love
When I thought that I knew love
When I felt that I was in love with you

Can you hear
My cry for you
Or is it just some echo
Just some foolish call

‘Cause I can’t see
The day of bliss
No more wedding kiss
Am I hopeless

Wake me up
I am having a nightmare
Mourning the death
Of the one I used to know

Outline Of A Cloud

Outline of a cloud
Show me a ring
With that silver lining

No more payroll
Only support
Take me
Where the people need
A voice

I don’t want easy
I just want the truth
I want more
Separate shepherd from the wolves
And I’ll find
Fulfillment
In you

Pinching pennies
Penthouse, pension
A six figurette

When I am gone
Under a scope
I will
Know that everything’s
My choice

GOD

Been going to two different bible studies– my EM’s bible study, and this thing called Crossroads, specifically aimed to help new graduates adjust to real life. My faith in God is intact, but I think it’s facing some severe difficulties. I attend these bible studies and ask questions in order to discover more truth and more of God. It’s been a little difficult on me to do this on my own, and I’m very grateful for the well-equipped and genuinely concerned nature of my new friends/church-goers. I think their care keeps me seeking, and their prayers really uplift my soul a little.

That’s what I’ve been up to these days. But don’t get me wrong about my whole introverted nature thing– I really do miss you, my friends. If you’re thinking “No, probably not me” it probably is you. Take care of yourselves, and let’s keep living full.

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